i am a regret-er

people like to think they have no regrets. "i don't regret anything; i learn from my mistakes." we've all heard it. and some of us have said it (you know who you are). well, i am not one of those people. i fully admit to having regrets. yes, i learn from my mistakes, but that doesn't mean i don't wish i didn't make them. i wish i had gone to more high school dances while i went to a school that actually allowed dances, i wish i'd never backed into that red convertible that one time, and i wish that i hadn't eaten avocados on my 21st birthday, landing me in the emergency room because of a severe allergic reaction. i regret all of those things. and, most recently, i deeply and severely regret cutting my hair.

last month i bade adieu to six inches, turning my long golden locks into a short shock of hair. it wasn't an impulsive act; on the contrary, i've been wanting to cut my hair for a while now. i did it a few years back and really liked it. i felt it made me look a little older and was a nice change from the long hair i'd had since the 5th grade bob. (every girl gets a bob around the 5th grade; it's just a part of life). this time, however, like is the furthest feeling i have towards my new do.

keeping in mind the mentality of the regret-less, though, i am trying to find the good amidst the bad, and the good that i've found is a lesson in humility. cutting off my hair has been like throwing off a security blanket. i'm realizing that my long hair kept me feeling too secure in my appearance, and amidst this lack of hair lays an abundance of insecurities. sometimes i just feel ugly, i'll admit. but other times, i feel an overcoming sense of humility. not in a bad way. in a good way. in a way that makes me say to myself, "you are human; you make mistakes," and, "let go of your appearance; looks aren't everything."

with all that being said, i do not plan on keeping my hair short for the sake of learning from an ongoing mistake. no, i plan to let my hair grow. and grow. and grow some more. but not letting go of the lesson i've learned along the way. and as a reminder to myself in the years to come: the grass is not greener on the other side, nor is your hair cuter when it's all gone.